Friends, I have to admit- when I wrote my blog entry on finding out about my pregnancy in October 2013 (There's Something New In The Never New Home), I had no inkling of WHAT the next year and a half would have in store for me and for my boys. I was still in shock and wanted to blog about how humans can make mistakes and yet find redemption from those mistakes.
A few months later, I shared about the struggle of how I was feeling like I just could not go on (Feeling Like The Big Engine That Couldn't)- working my 2 jobs, my sore hips, and finding babysitting just seemed overwhelming. I shared about how I was:
Feeling alone, but very loved.
Feeling depleted, but still breathing.
Feeling hopeless, but somehow connected to something greater than me.
A few weeks after I wrote those words, I shared my dilemma of considering adoption for the tiny life that I was carrying. Considering The Adoption Option- Self-LESS Or Self-ISH? was probably my most raw, transparent, this-is-me blog post to date.
When I wrote Dirty Fingerprints Keeping Me Sane, I was still feeling overwhelmed, but I knew that I had a solid support system to lean on. Three Week To Go And Feeling... was when I shared that I had decided that my baby would be a part of our family for good, and about the fears and intimidation that I was experiencing from that decision.
But then when I wrote Three's A Crowd, I blogged about my 'babymooning' time and how wonderfully and beautifully crowded those moments felt:
During the long nights, as I have my quiet one-on-one feeding time with my son, and he caresses my skin with those tiny fingers, I am so thankful that for now my bed is a bit crowded.
When I sneak into my other sons' room after they are supposed to be asleep and my middle child hears me and asks to cuddle, and proceeds to kiss and hug me over and over and tell me he loves me- I am so thankful that I don't have free space in my home. Every room in my house is filled with family- what a comfort that is to me.
After that I wrote about a Celebration Of Life that I had attended....and that seemed to be the end of my Confessions Of A Single Mom.
In the past decade I have endured the heartbreak of infertility, but that was redeemed with the births of each of my sons. Almost ironically, 10 years later I found myself a pregnant single mom, and was redeemed by the support of my family, friends and my church community. I have lived through the pain of separating from my husband when I was 7 months pregnant with my second child, and found redemption and strength through discovering myself again.
Now when I am stronger, now when I am wiser, now when I am completely content in myself... NOW I feel I am at a place to share my life again.
It's interesting the things that are important to you, when you decide to get married for a second time.
I have found someone who I believe is loyal-beyond-measure. I have found someone who is honest (sometimes refreshingly, sometimes painfully so), and I have have found someone who truly loves me and my boys. And I have found this someone in the father of my baby. How blessed am I?
Finding the strength to make it through life as a capable, settled, single Mom- fantastic and rewarding.
Finding redemption in the love of an amazing man, a beautiful life and a 'complete' family- how surprisingly priceless.
"He has made all things beautiful in His time."