Since calling off my wedding a year and a bit ago, I've tried to seek wisdom. I've tried to be content in myself. I've tried to really seek the purpose of my life- which has been rather challenging.
I'm not sure that I have gotten it all figured out quite yet, but I have to say- calling off a wedding that was just never meant to be was the most difficult thing I have EVER done. But it was also the most fulfilling (?), gratifying (?), satisfying (?) thing that I have ever done.
It was clear to those around us that myself and my fiance (at the time), were not in a healthy relationship. But we did have a child together. So I suppose I felt that was reason enough to keep trying.(??) But in reality...it wasn't a reason at all.
For the past year or so, I have made 'WISDOM' the character trait to strive for. Last January Facebook actually told me that 'Wisdom' was my word of the year for 2016. Well... that was enough for me. 'Wisdom' became my goal for all of last year.
Once I stopped trying to control my own destiny, once I stopped trying to make a partnership where there just wasn't one, once I tried to be content in the 'waiting' (or as my pastor/ friend calls it- in the 'Liminal Spaces'), things started to unfold as they were supposed to.
Shortly after really aiming to live 'in the waiting', I was able to afford a detached home a few doors down from my (and my children's) best friends' home.
Shortly after striving to live 'in the waiting', I was accepted into teacher's college. Now I can work toward having a schedule that is more conducive to spending time with my boys.
Shortly after deciding to live 'in the waiting', I [re]met the man of my dreams. A man that is more perfect for me than anyone else that I have ever met in my many years on this earth.
Does this new love that I have discovered make the last 5 years worth going through? I really don't know. I'm sure we have heard the story many times...."Now that I really know what love is, it makes the last [insert time] worth going through".
I really just don't know. I was married 16 years ago. I expected that to be it. I never expected to be separated from that man, ever.
But life and other circumstances happened.
There was infertility. There was schooling. There was that 'oh, we married young' thing. There was that 'meeting someone else' thing.
Does finding the 'REAL' love of your life make going through the worst pain that you can possibly feel worth going through? I struggle, because I still just don't know...
But I DO know that the waiting was worth it. I DO know that being patient was worth it. I DO know that the man that I love now, is the man that is supposed to be in my life.
This man was definitely worth waiting for. This man will care for my heart- I have no doubt. This man will care for my boys- because this I have witnessed. This man will support me when I need it- and this has been evident since I started school a few weeks ago.
Although it was so, so, SO difficult- these last few years- I could never comprehend the happiness, the pure joy that I would feel just a short time later.
I am extremely glad that I was wise enough to not marry a man that I shouldn't have married. I am SO glad that I was able to just seek wisdom this past year.
And I am beyond happy that I have met the man of my dreams. My 'unicorn'- if you will.
Do not be afraid of waiting, friends.
Love is definitely worth the wait.